Funnier Than Fiction...

If I was a comedy writer, I couldn't script any of the following any better if I tried. After deliberating back and forth in my head about it, I've decided to go ahead and share the utterly uncomprehensible bullshit I have to deal with from my daughter's father and his family.

So it's been a mess since I broke up with him in March at 6 1/2 months pregnant. For about a month I had to deal with the "Are you sure we can't work this out?" and "Don't you think we should try to be together for the baby?" He even had the nerve to say this one: "Well, one day after the baby is born, we should go on a date to see if it's just the hormones making you feel like this right now." I finally had to just tell him that it was definitely him and nothing at all was wrong with me; and boy did I find that out later.

So, when we were together I said okay to the IDEA of the baby having his last name. NOTHING WAS WRITTEN IN STONE! She was born way after I had broken up with him, so I was thinking I'd have her last name MY NAME-HIS NAME. I call him and tell him that's what I want to do, he goes completely ape shit! I mean beligerent as hell! Threatening to go for custody. Outrageous, outlandish stuff. He didn't end up coming back up to the hospital to sign the acknowledgement of paternity affidavit, so the baby ended up with my last name ALONE any damn way!

So that blows over the day I get out of the hospital. A Thursday. Now, mind you, this jackass had been living at his mother's RENT-FREE for SEVEN MONTHS. All of a sudden, he decides he needs to go rent a place he can't afford the same week my daughter was born. (Genius, I know!) Well, both of our stuff was in a storage facility and he had said over and over that he would be able to put my stuff in the basement of his new place. Friday rolls around, the day after I come home from the hospital, and he says it one last time that he'll be able to store the stuff. Saturday, he called at about noon and left a message saying that he might not be able to store the stuff. Then he called at around three and said he would. His last phone call was in the evening when he dares to say, "You know, tomorrow is Father's Day and I would like to see my daughter." Mind you, not once had he even asked how she was or if she needed anything. I called him up and told him we'd come down there the next day.

Sunday, he's standing in the window and I wish I could have seen his face when my family and I showed up with a big U-Haul to end the game of him having my stuff. We're there for like an hour and a half and he has my daughter the entire time - handling her like she's a doll, more or less. Once the truck was loaded, I was ready to go. I was tired. My daughter and I had only gotten out of the hospital THREE days prior to this out-of-county, hour-long trip. I have stitches and am bleeding. I shouldn't even be walking around my house, let alone going out the county to keep someone from trying to hold something over my head.

She's crying her head off while he's holding her so I grab her and comfort her take her upstairs to change her diaper. He follows and I tell him that I'm tired and I'm ready to go. He gets mad, starts yelling how it's not fair. And I continued down the stairs telling him he knows where we live he can come up there and see her. So his mother, decided to chime in some crap about me changing the baby's last name.

Side note: Let me tell you something about this last name. His last name is his father's last name; her ex-husband's last name. This is the person she kicked out of her house after she walked in on him smoking CRACK on the living room's coffee table. But we want to defend this name to the deaf, I guess.

Anyway, meanwhile, my daughter's father goes and punches a wall in the basement. I honestly thought my uncle and his friend dropped something. He comes back upstairs and his hand is bleeding. So he keeps yelling, you'll hear from my attorney. My crazy ass mother yells, "Call your attorney already and stop singing the same song!" This is about the time when he comes following behind us as we're walking out the door yelling, "Get the hell out of my house!"

Another side note: This dumbass doesn't even have the house anymore. HE'S LIVING BACK AT HOME WITH HIS MOTHER!

So that blew over and he became content with just coming up to see her. Never bringing anything as far as a diaper or anything; but seeing her just the same. I have NEVER stood in the way of that.

So, this is what made me start keeping this log I'm going to start sharing in my next blog:

On September 20, I sent him an email asking him to bring up a couple cans of formula on his next visit. His response, I shit you not was:

"Are you still on Facebook. I wanna see baby pictures!"

I seriously had to read that over and over again to see if I was reading it correctly. When I realized that's what it said, I had to laugh. Like I said, I couldn't script this shit to be any funnier than it already is. I'll post my logs too. It's never all that funny when it's happening; but in retrospect, all I can do is laugh. I really didn't think that real human beings could be funnier than clowns and jesters!